ask the server owners if they have them enabled might help...they probably have them either disabled or removed because their hoster doesn't wanna update to the newest version of java. You'd know this if you looked at stickies.
Yes it's twice as powerful as normal coal, so it'll burn twice as long as it normally would. So your engines will last longer, and you will get more EU in the generator because of how much longer it burns.
it's probably them not knowing how to set up their tekkit clients correctly. Either a java issue, the 2.1.1 needs java 7, or they aren't allocating enough ram to their game. It could also be them still choosing 3.0.0 tekkit and not knowing they need 2.1.1 in order to connect.
the problem is with other people, they might not have the right java...Make sure whoever is trying to connect is using only the recommended build of tekkit, grab the tekkit files, and set the server up. Shouldn't be too hard.
seeing how it's not a part of tekkit, there is no reason anyone has to help you with your permissions file. Best bet is to look at the permissions wiki for help. The cheats of NEI have also have been said on this forum, there are nodes you need to use in permissions so others can't use them.
probably is a conflict with the power, it'd be better to just make different power hubs for each process rather than having them all on the same one. Maybe have two energy storage devices just after the panels and have each one power an engine that'll power a separate device.
best suggestion I could give is ask the server providers. It's part of their job to help you set up, let them know what it is you wanna do and see if they can help you.
you can run your own. all you need is the server files, which are on the technicpack.net page, just click tekkit. Then you unrar it, and run the bat file. You might need to edit a few things in the server.props file, but otherwise it's pretty simple.