ok it works now that I deleted the assets out of the modpack.jar
I will eventually want to learn how the others did this I looked at their modpack.jars and that's what they did modpacks like ragetech, and cataclysm they have their own menu and buttons. I would love to learn how to do that for now I will settle with just stock or maybe throw novamenu in.
that takes care of one problem.
the other problem of compiling a server that will work with this. I'm not new to server admin. but I am new to modding them this heavily.
I downloaded the forge server, renamed it to forge.jar startup.bat with all the good limits and what not. but still crashes. I'm thinking it's the single player mods that might be causing this but I need more adept eyes to tell me for certain.
again thanks for any help.