Chapter One
Once there was a magical horse who lived with a fish.
His name was Reaver McHasselhoffen. His fishy roommate went by the name of Grumpy Basselton.
They both liked butts. They loved their butts so much that one of them decided never to sit on it again! So, they swapped out their cars for segways, and used those to get around.
Now there was a kid named Billy the bully, and he did not like the fact they used segways. His hate for segways came from a childhood accident involving a giant marshmallow and a Segway he got for his 5th birthday, which was toohilarious gruesome to be explained in detail.
So on their way to a brothel on their segways billy set up a devious plan. He mad a hole two men deep and covered it with leaves on the sidewalk where he knew they would go. He got bored and fell asleep. When he woke up, he forgot about the trap and fell into it. He died later that day. Of dysentery. The distinct smell of dysentery-induced death violated their nostrils and they couldn't help but retch down the deadly well as they looked down into it.
Chapter Two
Once upon a land hippo called Jesse Unoflop, there was a spider.
It lived in a rather large pineapple. The pineapple was not under the sea, but was in fact on the continent of Australia, which is a continent on the land hippo called Jesse Unoflop.
Sadly, Jesse died a couple of thousand years ago, due to being a land hippo and the sea being poisonous to him.
Unoflop did not like the spider, so he hatched an evil plot! Sadly, Unoflop died before he could execute his plot, and it was left abandoned somewhere in Australia. The spider lived out the rest of his days in Australia, lamenting his lonely life and the fact nothing in Chapter Two of the book he was reading made sense.
So instead, the spider threw the book into the fireplace, took a bottle of pineapple wine from the cupboard and watched a show on the divinghelmet tv.
Chapter Three
The shapeshifters alliance then realised what a pain in the ass chickens are and decided to eat them all. However, the princess of shapeshifters didn't get the memo, and shapeshifted into a chicken just as a chicken-eater mob came round the corner. The chicken eating mob then chased the princess for three days in a constant circle all the while the princess yelled: "Stop! I'm really just a fish!" Just as the chicken eaters caught the princess, they all fell over from intense dizziness caused by running around in a circle for three days, squashing the poor princess into goo and angering the almighty poultry god. "clucKC CLckU cllCKU" said the poultry god, which translates into "666 to ya'll motherfuckers down there thinkin you can mess with my homeboys."