This is exactly the same mind set that i have with the comunity as a whole.
I really would love to find a place just like your looking for, maybe we could just start our own??
I was already thinking of starting a modded server anyways, only thing is i would take out a few things and add in others.
And yea the lewd comment about you being female just the toxic nature of some players, I for one would love having a women around on the server.
Totally different build perspective then me or my friends that actually play minecraft(hint: none of them are female).