Corrupt-a-wish

[planetguy]

I wish I was a real cake man.

I eat you at my birthday party.

I wish I could record better-quality Minecraft videos on my computer.

[Amaxter]

You become broke buying expensive parts for your computer trying to increase it's performance.

I wish the new Tekkit had ThaumCraft and Ars Magica.

[TheBytemaster]

I eat you at my birthday party.

I wish I could record better-quality Minecraft videos on my computer.

You can, but the insane quality of the videos fills up your hard drive to the very last sector, squashing the space windows normally reserves for virtual memory, causing your OS to fail in a way beyond anything a BSOD can handle. As a result, the next time you foolishly attempt to power your machine up, a renegade kernel-mode thread goes careening like an out-of-control 16-wheeler on ice through a particular driver that controls the movement and power state of your hard-disk, as well as the microcode of your processor. Your machine is now so unbelievably messed up as to require complete replacement, and you have no money left for replacing it after paying for the operation required to remove the various bits of hard-disk platter from your face that were put there violently after your hard drive spun out of control. The surgery is a failure, leaving a bit of scar tissue behind unintentionally. That scar tissue unfortunately becomes cancerous and grows into your eye socket, further distorting your face and also leaving you blind in one eye with a large grotesque tumor where your eye used to be.

The end.

(I wish for the power to control the power news anchors are looking in while they talk.)

[Amaxter]

News anchors everywhere are soon fired for staring off camera and at the ceiling at random times and confusing the audience.

I wish the Forge team joined Mojang.

[planetguy]

News anchors everywhere are soon fired for staring off camera and at the ceiling at random times and confusing the audience.

I wish the Forge team joined Mojang.

They join Mojang as janitors. No one updates Forge.

I wish it wasn't so late in the evening.

[TheBytemaster]

News anchors everywhere are soon fired for staring off camera and at the ceiling at random times and confusing the audience.

Pshhhaw, that's not a corruption of my wish. That's an intended consequence.

They join Mojang as janitors. No one updates Forge.

I wish it wasn't so late in the evening.

Suddenly you realize that the arbitrary limitations of "time" that we as a society have imposed on ourselves have absolutely no real meaning. This ensues.

And then society breaks down. Jeeze, thanks for that, I think I'll go hide up in the mountains for twenty years now until things cool off.

I wish for a vhs/dvd/blu-ray/digital video player that will automatically censor movies and programs I watch to my liking, automatically compensating for the missing content by generating small clips of new non-perverted/obscene content that fits both stylistically and story-line wise on-the-fly.

[Amaxter]

You become sexually deprived from a lack of cleavage and start becoming a pervert and making a fool of yourself. You are soon put in prison for sexual harassment.

I wish my science teacher wasn't so boring.

[theprolo]

In an attempt to become more exciting, your science teacher develops an incredible new technology which turns the world peaceful. Unfortunately, it's side effects include zombification. Because nobody can fight back, the zombie infection spreads until it is finally stopped by the invention of the Board With A Nail In It by North Korea, which was simply turned normal by your teacher's invention.

I wish I knew German fluently.

[_Mataroyale_Modpacker_]

In an attempt to become more exciting, your science teacher develops an incredible new technology which turns the world peaceful. Unfortunately, it's side effects include zombification. Because nobody can fight back, the zombie infection spreads until it is finally stopped by the invention of the Board With A Nail In It by North Korea, which was simply turned normal by your teacher's invention.

I wish I knew German fluently.

You know German but you forget how to speak English.

I wish for a bunny.

[dwwojcik]

You get a bunny, but another player comes along and sends its bloody severed head flying across your screen.

I wish for a RL bunny.

[Amaxter]

The bunny becomes rabid and you are forced to put it down, causing you a huge depression.

I wish I had enough money for the new Mac Pro (it's so sexy!)

[dwwojcik]

You save up your money, and before long, a trashcan shaped computer is sitting on your desk. Then, I tell you about the computer I built myself with twice the specs for half the cash and you realize your mistake.

I wish Microsoft would get it's act together and develop a Desktop OS.

[TheBytemaster]

You save up your money, and before long, a trashcan shaped computer is sitting on your desk. Then, I tell you about the computer I built myself with twice the specs for half the cash and you realize your mistake.

I wish Microsoft would get it's act together and develop a Desktop OS.

They do, but the only available theme is hot dog stand.

I wish for EE2 in real life.

[Amaxter]

Suddenly real life is tremendously unbalanced and people start flying and making explosions all over the place. The economy crashes due to everyone having a ton of gold and diamonds from collector farms.

I wish for eternal cake life.

[dwwojcik]

As neither I or this mystical force (God? KakerMix? That thumbtack on my bulletein board? Who knows what's responsible!?!? I'm suddenly very scared by this game.) that grants these wishes knows what eternal cake life is, you are turned into a cake as a substitute. TheBytemaster eats you for dessert.

They do, but the only available theme is hot dog stand.

Sounds good to me!

I wish video card manufacturers would better support Linux so I wouldn't have to wait for Microsoft to get their rear in gear so I can update from Win 7.

[TheBytemaster]

As neither I or this mystical force (God? KakerMix? That thumbtack on my bulletein board? Who knows what's responsible!?!? I'm suddenly very scared by this game.) that grants these wishes knows what eternal cake life is, you are turned into a cake as a substitute. TheBytemaster eats you for dessert.

Sounds good to me!

I wish video card manufacturers would better support Linux so I wouldn't have to wait for Microsoft to get their rear in gear so I can update from Win 7.

They do, but then you realize that gaming is a waste of time.

I wish for an open-hatched limo, some fun-loving friends, and a tuba.

[dwwojcik]

They do, but then you realize that gaming is a waste of time.

I wish for an open-hatched limo, some fun-loving friends, and a tuba.

You get all three, but then realize that not gaming is a waste of time.

I wish for a get-out-of-life-free card.

[Kocken926]

You get all three, but then realize that not gaming is a waste of time.

I wish for a get-out-of-life-free card.

You are granted your wish, in form of the worst torterous deaths (death by listening to politicians)

I wish that no program on my computer would ever crash again.

[theprolo]

You get a virus on your computer, and the only way to close it is to crash it.

Then it evolves into Skynet and you are killed by the president of Canada.

I wish for a de-zombification ray.

[dwwojcik]

You recieve a de-zombification ray, but due to zombies not actually existing, it's useless, and you go broke paying the permits, taxes, and inspection fees for the highly delicate electronics.

I wish my lunch break was longer than 35 min short.

[Kocken926]

You get the ray-gun, the only one in its kind, but before you're able to use it I bite you, and you become a zombie as well, only a normal, quite brainless one. You then become my minion for the rest of your existance.

EDIT: interesting, I were writing something similar before I realized I should make use of my pic.

Anyways, your lunchbreak becomes 40 minutes long, but to compensate you're forced to have double the amount of lessons per day.

I wish I were better at playing TF2.

[TheBytemaster]

You spend many years training in secret to become the ultimate TF2 player. By the time you finish, TF3 has been released and no-one plays TF2 anymore.

I wish this wish was a wish.

[theprolo]

You create a paradox, and an incredible creature from another dimension smites you with a noodle appendage.

I wish I could go invisible, and visible again, at will anytime I want at no cost to myself.

[dwwojcik]

As having to bother with the knowledge of whetether or not you are visible is considered a cost, you forget you are invisible and are run over by a truck.

I wish I could have noclip IRL.

[TheBytemaster]

As having to bother with the knowledge of whetether or not you are visible is considered a cost, you forget you are invisibla and are run over by a truck.

I wish I could have noclip IRL.

You get noclip, and are promptly sucked down through the ground until you reach the center of the world. Because you cannot touch anything, you cannot escape.

I wish for a paradox created by a paradox that was murdered by its future self.