Corrupt-a-wish

[theprolo]

You light yourself on fire, then run screaming into the hospital. The hospital burns down, and you die. You are posthumously convicted of arson and mass murder.

I wish the Andrew would release the new beta of the TBR modpack...

[nedned2k]

Granted, but then you build a base and accidentally explode your nuclear reactor.

I wish I had a sandwich.

[Kocken926]

You get a sandwich, but then the TF2 heavy murders you for it.

I wish I was a better guitarist.

[theprolo]

You get better at guitar, but the blue engineer gets jealous and murders you.

I wish for cheese with ice cream.

[nedned2k]

Granted, but you become lactose-intolerant.

I wish I could invent the portalgun.

[The_DarthMoogle]

You invent the portal device, but spill your energy drink on it, creating a singularity that sucks off your face.

I wish for a new clarinet.

[RalphRoberts]

You get a new clarinet, but forget how to play the clarinet, thereby rendering it useless.

I wish I had gaming computer capable of playing modern games.

[planetguy]

You get a computer that is so powerful that it develops its own intelligence. You still can't play games because you can't stop your computer from playing modern games (and getting you an impressive string of hacking bans, while it's at it. It understands all the protocols better than the games' developers, it's so smart.)

I wish I wasn't so bad at literary analysis.

[Dled]

You are no longer so bad at literary analysis. Instead, you are terri bad at literary analysis. Its even worse now. In fact, its so bad that you've lost the ability to analyse the symbols on the page that people apparently call letters. You are no longer able to read. Have fun!

I wish for something fun to do. I'm bored :/

[adolf hamster]

you browse the internet to releive your boredom, then your computer gets the hax

i wish i would never feel tired during the day

[Dled]

Not feeling tired makes it impossible to sleep, as you don't feel tired. Because you aren't sleeping, your body does not get to do all the important things it does when you sleep. After a while, you die.

I wish that all game-breaking lag was not laggy, but that all non-game-breaking lag was actually game breaking (the rules don't apply to each other, no paradoxes).

[dj blades]

Your wish comes true, but everyone who experiences minor lag, now has the most lag possible. They vow to take their revenge, and hunt you down. They leave you locked in a room, with only a very laggy version of Pong to entertain you.

I wish i had a computer that didn't crash every few minutes...

[The Merchant of Menace]

You now have a computer that crashes every few seconds.

I wish the next user would corrupt this wish.

[theprolo]

The next user is too lazy. the thread dies.

I wish I could get Strategy Games working online

[adolf hamster]

Not feeling tired makes it impossible to sleep, as you don't feel tired. Because you aren't sleeping, your body does not get to do all the important things it does when you sleep. After a while, you die.

I wish that all game-breaking lag was not laggy, but that all non-game-breaking lag was actually game breaking (the rules don't apply to each other, no paradoxes).

but my wish only applies to daytime

@theprolo:

you do, but only after something new comes out and everybody who was playing it has moved on. your effort was wasted

i wish i had the ability to speed up/slow down time, not time travel, just to make my own experience of time differ at will.

[lukeb28]

You speed up time by a factor of 200 000 000 000 times and cant slow it down fast enough and get killed when sol blows to bits.

to corrupt your other wish:

you instantly become tired when the sun goes down and fall to sleep instantly. Due to this you never meet any girls at clubs and are a virgin for life.

I wish I could tell the girl I love I love her. :'(

[planetguy]

You tell her you love her. She loves you too. On your first date, you go out to that nice cafe down the street. A clueless employee, under the impression that the cafe is an oxygen bar, pumps oxygen gas into the room. The candles on each table turn into fireballs of death and you both live out your lives with faces that look something like Minecraft's coal item. Your date is so upset that she leaves the country to go somewhere with stricter safety regulations.

I wish Forge included infinite world height by making chunks cubes instead of columns.

[RalphRoberts]

It does, but it takes so much power that booting it up will burn out your PSU.

I wish I was the smartest person alive, but other than that, nothing else about me was different.

[planetguy]

You are the smartest person alive. You are also the dumbest person alive, because you are the only person alive.

I wish people appreciated puns more.

[RalphRoberts]

They do, in fact, puns are the only thing they appreciate anymore. Unfortunately, you are also terrible at making them, and so you lose all of your friends.

I wish I had more free time.

[planetguy]

All of your time is now valued as "free" from your employers' perspective.

I wish for a portal between Minecraft and real life in my backyard.

[andrewdonshik]

All of your time is now valued as "free" from your employers' perspective.

I wish for a portal between Minecraft and real life in my backyard.

You go through it and fall from y=256.

I wish modders weren't such assholes.

[planetguy]

Minecraft modding is now a peaceful profession filled by wonderful people. The community is so glad that you stopped the fighting with your wish that a mob of fans begins following you everywhere on the Internet, praising you wherever you go. Web pages, unable to deal with the "ALL HAIL ANDREWDONSHIK" spam, ban you preemptively so that your followers don't crash their servers. Eventually, your real-life address is leaked and you are crushed to death in a massive group hug.

I wish I could jump onto my house's roof.

[lukeb28]

You tell her you love her. She loves you too. On your first date, you go out to that nice cafe down the street. A clueless employee, under the impression that the cafe is an oxygen bar, pumps oxygen gas into the room. The candles on each table turn into fireballs of death and you both live out your lives with faces that look something like Minecraft's coal item. Your date is so upset that she leaves the country to go somewhere with stricter safety regulations.

Better than her saying she hated me

You do from 50 000 feet without a parachute and die horrifically.

I wish for a perfect server system that would automatically install plugins the way I wanted, ban idiots, mute spammers, and adjust the economy prices to be perfect.

[planetguy]

You get an extremely intelligent piece of software that does all of the above functions. All humans look like idiots to it, so everyone is banned.

I wish I had a clone to blame stuff on.